An Ode to Motherhood Part 1

This will be my third Mother's Day.

I'm pretty sure I came out of the womb thinking "Wow!  What an incredible experience!  I want to do THAT when I grow up!"

Okay, maybe not, but I for sure, as a little girl, was thinking that the plastic dolls sure weren't cutting it, and looking forward to the day when I could have my own real babies.  I think it was sometime around then that I started counting down to the day when I would be 18, and could get married and start having babies.

(But of course, 18 doesn't necessarily equate the sudden existence of a good marry with whom to marry...)

Well, obviously, I found my good man (at the ripe old age of 20).  And I thought for sure I'd want to wait 2 years to get pregnant, and then space my children out 2-2 1/2 years each.

Well, it didn't take long before we both were wanting a baby and I was pregnant by our first anniversary.  Judah was not the ideal experience in terms of pregnancy and delivery, but after all that, motherhood completely appealed to me.  Then I discovered I was pregnant with Hadassah right around the time Judah turned 7 months old.  So much for my timeline, huh?

Really and truly, I think I had pretty realistic visions of motherhood.  You know, the sleepless nights, the constant diaper changes, all of that practical stuff.  But there were two things I hadn't bargained on.

Firstly, I was not prepared for how much I could Love.  

There is nothing that prepares a woman for such a strong emotion.  Not even marriage.  The love a woman gives her man is just different enough than the love a woman bestows upon her child.

Sometimes I look at my children and nearly weep, because I don't know how else to express the love I have for them.

The second thing I was not prepared for is the very near fatal wound on selfishness motherhood has struck on my sinful flesh.  Nothing prepared me for the refinement God performs through the vocation of motherhood.  Really, and truly, I don't know how readily a lesson in selflessness occurs apart from motherhood.  The hours in my day are not my hours.  They belong to my children and my husband.   

This is NOT a curse!  This is a wonderful thing!  Where, and on whom better for my hours to be spent!

We should long and embrace the refinement God has for us (whether through motherhood or otherwise).  I have grown so much in my time as a mother, and I like who I am so much more than the carefree woman I was.

Motherhood is not something we should put off...not something to dread.  Neither should it be taken lightly.  Raising a child, directing that child's path is a very serious task.  But it is a task well worth the taking.

Even through the sleepless nights, sickness, and tantrums, I remember the gummy smiles, the sound of "Mommy" on my child's lips, the hugs and sloppy kisses, and the utter adoration in my children's eyes.

And never will I regret choosing to embrace the children God has given me, instead of rejecting His blessings. On my deathbed, I will not be alone, but I will be surrounded by the dearest gifts God can give.